Cel\u00fd sv\u016fj \u017eivot ut\u00edk\u00e1m p\u0159ed sv\u00fdm zadkem. Ale opravdu, ned\u011bl\u00e1m si legraci. M\u016fj zadek m\u011b pron\u00e1sleduje u\u017e od narozen\u00ed. Sotva jsem spat\u0159il sv\u011btlo sv\u011bta, p\u0159is\u00e1l se na m\u011b jako kl\u00ed\u0161t\u011b. A ne\u017e jsem tomu stihl zabr\u00e1nit, nacucal se, zv\u011bt\u0161il se a te\u010f mi p\u0159ek\u00e1\u017e\u00ed a p\u0159edstavuje pro m\u011b \u0159adu probl\u00e9m\u016f. N\u011bkdy je to ale m\u016fj pomocn\u00edk.<\/p>\n
R\u00e1d bych se t\u011bm probl\u00e9m\u016fm postavil \u010delem, kdyby to \u0161lo, jen\u017ee m\u016fj zadek je prost\u011b tak velk\u00fd, \u017ee se t\u011bm probl\u00e9m\u016fm mus\u00edm postavit j\u00edm nap\u0159ed. Pror\u00e1\u017e\u00ed mi cestu. A nejen to, moje naducan\u00e9 p\u016flky odr\u00e1\u017e\u00ed probl\u00e9my, jako kdyby sk\u00e1kaly na trampol\u00edn\u011b. Je to takov\u00fd m\u016fj and\u011bl str\u00e1\u017en\u00fd, jen s t\u00edm rozd\u00edlem, \u017ee za mnou chod\u00ed, proto\u017ee je tak t\u011b\u017ek\u00fd, \u017ee by se nevznesl. A proto mu ani k\u0159\u00eddla nenarostla.<\/p>\n
M\u016fj zadek p\u0159itahuje pohledy hned, jakmile vejdu do m\u00edstnosti. Je toti\u017e tak objemn\u00fd, \u017ee m\u00e1 vlastn\u00ed gravita\u010dn\u00ed pole a jeho p\u0159ita\u017elivosti se ned\u00e1 ut\u00e9ct. \u0158\u00edk\u00e1m si, kdo se m\u016f\u017ee chlubit tak dokonal\u00fdm zadkem?<\/p>\n
V potravin\u00e1ch si jak\u017eiv mus\u00edm d\u00e1vat velk\u00fd pozor, a to nejen, abych sv\u00fdm zadkosvalem nep\u0159evr\u00e1til cel\u00fd reg\u00e1l, ale tak\u00e9 abych n\u011bkoho ve front\u011b u p\u00e1su nezranil. \u010casto na m\u011b d\u016fchodci p\u00e1chaj\u00ed atent\u00e1ty pomoc\u00ed voz\u00edk\u016f a bezhlav\u011b do m\u011b naj\u00ed\u017ed\u00ed, kdy\u017e se sna\u017e\u00ed prodrat a\u017e ke kase. Chra\u0148 m\u011b ruka P\u00e1n\u011b, abych sebeobran\u00fdm chvatem nenarazil do n\u011bjak\u00e9ho z t\u011bch sta\u0159\u00edk\u016f sv\u00fdm zadkem, jeliko\u017e by pak nejsp\u00ed\u0161e hrozilo m\u00e9 zat\u010den\u00ed. Nevlastn\u00edm na svou zadnici zbrojn\u00ed pr\u016fkaz.<\/p>\n
A\u0165 se sna\u017e\u00edm jak chci, m\u00e1m sv\u016fj zadek v pat\u00e1ch (obrazn\u011b \u0159e\u010deno, je\u0161t\u011b nikdy jsem toti\u017e nikoho se zadkem na pat\u00e1ch nevid\u011bl a up\u0159\u00edmn\u011b jsem r\u00e1d, \u017ee nejsem prvn\u00ed exempl\u00e1\u0159). Ale nem\u011bl bych si na n\u011bj p\u0159\u00edli\u0161 st\u011b\u017eovat, byl jedin\u00fd, kdo m\u011b nikdy neopustil, ani v t\u011b\u017ek\u00fdch chv\u00edl\u00edch. Byl se mnou, kdy\u017e jsem p\u0159ed n\u011bkolika lety \u0161plhal na Gerlachovsk\u00fd \u0161t\u00edt v bou\u0159ce, kdy\u017e jsem v listopadu zjistil \u017ee jsem neplodn\u00fd, kdy\u017e jsem prohr\u00e1l cel\u00fd tiket ve sportce, nebo kdy\u017e mi p\u0159\u00edtelkyn\u011b minul\u00fd t\u00fdden ozn\u00e1mila, \u017ee je t\u011bhotn\u00e1. Zkr\u00e1tka tu pro m\u011b byl i v situac\u00edch, kter\u00e9 \u010dlov\u011bka takzvan\u011b „posad\u00ed na prdel“. Tedy ne\u0159ekl bych, \u017ee to byla posazen\u00ed, ale sp\u00ed\u0161e rovnou p\u00e1dy. Na\u0161t\u011bst\u00ed m\u011b to nikdy nebolelo, kdy\u017e je m\u016fj zadek tak dob\u0159e odpru\u017een\u00fd. Je to hrozn\u00e1 v\u00fdhoda, je to m\u016fj m\u011bkou\u010dk\u00fd pol\u0161t\u00e1\u0159ek.<\/p>\n
Zadek je nejlep\u0161\u00ed p\u0159\u00edtel \u010dlov\u011bka, nikdy n\u00e1s toti\u017e neopou\u0161t\u00ed, jak u\u017e jsem za ta l\u00e9ta neust\u00e1l\u00e9ho prch\u00e1n\u00ed p\u0159ed n\u00edm zjistil. A jsem za n\u011bj r\u00e1d.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Cel\u00fd sv\u016fj \u017eivot ut\u00edk\u00e1m p\u0159ed sv\u00fdm zadkem. Ale opravdu, ned\u011bl\u00e1m si legraci. M\u016fj zadek m\u011b pron\u00e1sleduje u\u017e od narozen\u00ed. Sotva jsem spat\u0159il sv\u011btlo sv\u011bta, p\u0159is\u00e1l se na m\u011b jako kl\u00ed\u0161t\u011b. A ne\u017e jsem tomu stihl zabr\u00e1nit, nacucal se, zv\u011bt\u0161il se a te\u010f mi p\u0159ek\u00e1\u017e\u00ed a p\u0159edstavuje pro m\u011b \u0159adu probl\u00e9m\u016f. N\u011bkdy je to ale m\u016fj […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":3248,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[52],"tags":[106],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/denik.mikulasske.cz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3247"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/denik.mikulasske.cz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/denik.mikulasske.cz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/denik.mikulasske.cz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/14"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/denik.mikulasske.cz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3247"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/denik.mikulasske.cz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3247\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3250,"href":"https:\/\/denik.mikulasske.cz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3247\/revisions\/3250"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/denik.mikulasske.cz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/3248"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/denik.mikulasske.cz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3247"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/denik.mikulasske.cz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3247"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/denik.mikulasske.cz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3247"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}